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Beauty in the Beast
3/04/2005
童年的影子
母親是恨毒不留餘地的女中癲人,打我猶如殺人,招招恨毒,在我臉上留下一度疤,不知是那一次,她恨恨打了我一記耳光,呢一世人,每一次照鏡,我都會看見這一道曾經流血的疤,這就是所謂的母愛之大持久。她教我:「不想在學校被人欺負,你就要頓起個款,好似好嬲咁樣,人地就會連野都唔咁同你講。」於是我係小學真係無朋友,但係照樣比人勁洽,佢地話我成日都不知嬲乜,樣衰衰咁,真係見一鑊就想打鑊。當時好肥,無人敢打我,頂多係杯割下,唔會同我一齊分享,有機會就笑下我,番到屋企,我喊,母親就打我幾巴,叫我要堅強,當時我只有十一歲。

某年聖誕,喜歡極了那一顆在樹上閃閃亮的銀色星星,我感覺那是喜歡事物的熱情與愉快,那是甜蜜的夢想,於是我將它放在書包裡,每次打開都有心跳,每一步路都有閃爍的快樂,但她話:「你為什麼老是帶著那垃圾」,二話不說打開我的書包,我知道她要做什麼,我跪在地上哭叫:「媽咪!求下你,唔好啦!我會乖架啦!下次唔敢架啦,唔好呀......我真係會乖架......」她在我而面前出盡全力把星星粉碎,第一次面對死亡及逝去的痛楚。

今天一早起來,她問我:「我第時老左,你會養我嗎?」
...... 
Our past......
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
April 2006


Now you tell me......

- host